I woke up as my phone buzzed. Millions of notifications popping up my mobile screen. My eyes still struggling to open. My hand in search of the long-lost phone in some fold of the blanket. I finally grasped it and struggle to understand thousands of mindsets towards this new bright summer day. Instagram, Facebook, WhatsApp, Snapchat and whatnot. Yet my eyes searching for only one message, his. None received none sent since the past 24 hours. A long unhealthy fight about the same concept of irresponsibility and not giving time. Few months are a lesser time to understand a person's perspective. We tend to commit and promise responsibilities towards each other in the beginning but realise the true efforts when the actual relationship starts to test us. However, in the end, the one who understands the concept of "everything is worth it" understand the truth of being in love.
Though I didn't receive a text from the expected person, I chose to send one. "Good morning" with no emoticons or even a heart (expectations of emotions through digital source).
Unable to interpret a single message from others I threw my phone aside. Walking towards the little window of my room. A small source between me and the outer world. Hidden behind a bunch of unorganised plants. I could see the outer road much better but the person on the other side can't guess what's inside these iron bars attached to my window. A perfect concept of isolation.
I decided to walk out of my room. Seeing my mother working for the next probable meal which no one of the family eats together I passed through the kitchen towards the living room. My older brother was surfing through the TV channels recklessly. I din’t bother to look around for my father, he was more like a missing person for my entire life. I sat down diagonal to my bother. He looked at me once and went back to his business again. I never connect well with the men of my family. It is like a curse, neither does my mother. She walked out of the kitchen towards the living room and handed me a cup of tea. Gave a weak smile and went back to her work. No person of our family spoke to each other or even asked the well about. The only whole and sole person I connect well is my mother. It's me for her and she for me. They say about being the man of the house but my family have always looked forward in the concept of women of the house.
I took my cup of tea and started walking towards the balcony. I can see his balcony through mine. He resides next to my house. Just a few steps yet today it seems to be miles away. There is nothing wrong about being ourselves while we keep our perspective in front of each other. Still, during the moment of argument, we tend to listen just to give answers and not to understand each other's perspective. The same thing happened between me and him.
I know him for a long time. He is my friend first and then a person who resides in my heart. We both are friends who have seen each other grow, evolve and support each other through thick and thin. Yet, when this friendship turned into a more intense feeling of affection, more like lovers than friends everything changed. It is true, it does. Suddenly you feel that you don’t know the person you are with. Being a friend is different and being a better half is different. Everything gets magnified. Instincts turn into feeling. Caring turns into jealousy. Passion turns into compassion. It feels like that little spark shared between the two turns into this huge amount of fire. And with this, it's upon you if you have to burn yourself or just feel the warmth for comfort.
Lost in my thoughts, thinking about how differently he could have portrayed the things a day before. Things could have been so different today. Walking out of my balcony I noticed the front gate of my house open. I decided to close it, it was then when I noticed her. My long lost friend. The best friend, whom I used to share my all girly things with. All my secret crushes, my unbearable family drama, cries of loneliness and all my feelings used to open up in front of her. She was the one who no matter what never used to leave me alone. But she did. Because she was more his ex-girlfriend than my best friend.
The moment of sympathising her being my friend dint last more than the coldness I felt imaging him and her together. I wonder how he feels when he sees her around? Does he still have feelings for her? Do they still meet? Random questions started popping in my head. I closed my eyes and looked down towards my feet.
I heard the notice of door being close, it was her. She went back inside without even expressing the fact that we are neighbours. I walked inside too. I wonder how she feels? Does she feel the same way I do? Cold? How does she feel when she sees me and him together? Has she moved on or still stuck there? Is she even thinking about me like I am thinking about her?
Isn’t it her part to play?
I walked in my room and cleared my mind of all thoughts. I picked up my phone and text him to meet in the garden now. He came. I hugged him and apologised.
“It should be me who should apologise,” he said.
I smiled. And that was my part to play.
Written by: Nikita Kapoor