Wake up at 10. Get ready till 11. Eat the food served hot by your mom for maintaining the daily ritual of living and finishing it till 11:30. Wait for the cab on a busy road where you can't even hear your own voice, explaining the damn route to your driver on call to get yourself boarded till 12. Listening to the 90s songs playing in cab which you're unaware of as you're very young, while your driver tells you about how he survives his day to which acknowledging and replying with the greatest empathy is what you could offer and simultaneously dying to hear the pop-up notification from the device which says, “destination reached, trip completed” till 1. Rushing by stairs towards the 4th floor finding space to tuck in your bag in the lockers zone, running back downwards to the shop struggling hard through numerous hands waiting to show the shopkeeper that you paid 17 so hand over the damn cigarette, finally getting onto the floor obviously late till 1:30. Logging in, getting started, prepping yourself for the work assigned for the day and faking smiles to your colleagues just to hide from them how broken you are which goes on till 4. Running fast to the 4th floor to have the mom's made food with lots of love, care & salt. Drinking water continuously as she warned furiously to keep yourself hydrated as much as possible. Getting back to the field, resuming your hard work & dedication in completing all the tasks and staring at the clock till it's 9:30. Calling it a day, had enough of hustle, ending the shift, wishing the goodbyes to all with a damn fake but real looking smile, getting out of the work loaded zone, carrying your bag on shoulder, walking up to the same shopkeeper but this time you have to wait near the dustbin while others stare at you awkwardly because you're not that lucky always to pay immediately as a network glitch has to happen every now and then to remind you that you're life's a shit you have to carry with you until you're alive, getting the cigarette, lighting it up and remembering Arjun Reddy/Kabir Singh as those were the inspirations society put in front of you in your early age heartbreak, running down to the -1 floor to check where your name is clubbed between drop points 5-10 kms away from yours in the list while others look at it like a hidden treasure of Alladin. Waiting for the cab, with earplugs on but sound off as you might miss out your route number being called out by the vendor till 10. Finally getting the cab, holding your bag pack against your chest sitting in the most uncomfortable position between two fat people while watching out your phone as your mom was busy with gossips with her sisters or friends about the marathi daily soaps when you called her on her daily high demand to just let her know that you boarded on cab & also to choose between three options of items which she is going to cook just to serve you hot when you reach home till 11:30. Opening your door in a slow-mo as you're tired af, getting in while you see your twin brother is busy watching Hera Pheri which is also your all time favorite movie so you hop on your couch and completely forget how hectic your day was, in the meanwhile mom walks up to you and tells you with a smile to remove your tiffin box & water bottle out from the bag and hand it over to her on a condition she'll serve you the food or else it's self service, finishing up the dinner, sliding in your blanket with your earplugs on and the “heart broken” playlist on, sending snaps to maintain the streaks, consoling your best friend as she gets to know her crush is busy screwing up with hot chicks, telling your other best friend that he will somehow manage to get a girlfriend this year while suggesting him life hacks which you already failed, giving some much elder health tips & tricks to your elder sister as she's carrying your nephew or niece in her stomach, reminding your brother including yourself it's only 3 days until the pay day and last but not the least getting off to your bed while listening to “say you won't let go” to start the whole drama again next morning.
You might be wondering who manages to live such a super duper extraordinary life with so much of unhappening events which motivates or encourages one with not even a single percent, well unfortunately that's me :')
Yeah, life is good but not everyone can relate to that especially boys like me who have to keep reminding themselves that month end is near & so does the party! Surviving each day at the top notch of my not so happening life was very hard that too when you're trying to get out of a painful breakup which shattered you from within. I needed a turn, something which would not only show me the right way to my destination but also make me enjoy the journey.
And then one fine day, my life changed..
In the office chaos all of a sudden I saw a face.. A face which made me go into a slow-motion, my ears were numb I couldn't hear anything besides my heartbeat which sounded like a train's engine. I was stuck, the big round reddish framed glasses had caught me. Never really caught a feeling this hard. I didn't knew her but her face looked familiar. Fortunately there wasn't a pole around or you were going to read the same line which everyone writes of walking into a pole. I had a feeling like my side of the earth just stopped rotating, obviously she didn't saw me gazing at her but trust me that was the first and the last time I saw her for so long! I was looking at her literally like a couple watching moon together, like Jerry watching the cheese kept by Tom, like Mr.Bean watching his little Teddy after a forever vacation, like Sartaj standing on road watching Megha in her balcony, like.. oh just cut it! The sight I saw is just ineffable & it can never be expressed in words. It was the best thing I witnessed in person throughout my whole lifetime.
The second thought I had in my mind was who is she, an angel? A dream come true? A lady knight in shining armour? If yes, what is she even doing here, where was she all this time, why has god sent her so late, so many questions stroke through my head within a fraction of seconds! I somehow managed to show nothing happened.
I didn't actually knew what magic she carried in her eyes but the spell was done & I was affected by it. Everything suddenly changed in my life. My daily routine, how come I could ever love my routine? I woke up at the same time but had a new energy, got ready till the same time but took much longer than usual while being ready, my mom's hot served food tasted delicious now & I also smiled back to let her know how amazing she cooks and for the first time I ate without hurrying. The 90s songs playing in cab were suddenly so relatable that I was murmuring them. Everything else changed and I started falling in love with my life again. The boy who hated coming to work daily was even ready to work on weekends.
The best thing about every working day was I could feel her presence. Never eye contacted but still could feel that she's around. Being an introvert I couldn't just walk up to her and say you look pretty and start a convo so I stepped back. I've heard so many people talking shit, giving wrong advice on how to confess to your crush so I was a step ahead from the fear of being rejected by doing foolish things. Being raised from a career oriented Marathi family, before even teaching how to walk properly, we were taught to respect girls in a strict way and treat them same as you would do to your sisters but I think I had too many of that lessons as I wasn't even able to look in the eye of a single girl in school times & college times! Having said that, I know you would judge me anyway but I would like to mention that I was into a relationship earlier long enough to realise that slow & steady wins the race. Having a lot of past experiences, I buried a thought deep in my mind that, no matter what happens I will never ever make any move which would result in being or making her feel uncomfortable or awkward. So my first motto was maintaining the dignity, having immense respect and moving around things fast as possible. I started searching, having a mindset to keep it super private I also couldn't tell my colleagues that I wanted to know about this girl so I was working on this secret mission on my own. Days passed, weekends passed, month passed but I couldn't even find her name. Helpless me, but I never gave up because my mom said never give up on your dreams! My patience was fruitful but it was very heavy to digest. I got her name, it was very unique, rare & I heard it for the very first time, it meant union of two, tell me how one can not fall for her?
But it wasn't that easy as it looks, the heaviest thing I had to digest was that she was in a relationship! The day I heard it I was really hurt. My immediate response/reaction to it was to bump a smoke and let go of all the feelings I had for ASAP. However I couldn't. My playlist changed, I had a single song playing on loop which was “Tune Jo Na Kaha”. It took me 1 week to make myself realise that all of the dreams I saw were shattered. Breakups hurt but have you ever felt this kind of pain? The short write-ups, shayri's, quotes which I wrote admiring her beauty were suddenly meaningless. Everything eventually seemed a joke to me. But back in my mind a thought stroke hard, it was that I know I can't have her, I can't make the dreams come true, I can't be with her to make sure she keeps smiling breathtakingly the same however she is already happy because she has someone who cares for her. This thought somehow pushed me up to a point where I felt that yes I can stop feeling sad for the loss and look on to the brighter side. My inner self told me that I'll never find a girl like her who can make my day by just being herself & smiling. I wasn't ready but I promised myself that I'll never confess her about my feelings. I won't show how much I loved. I promised myself to bury somewhere the concept of love I had for her. The way you hide your feelings shows how tough you are they say, however it hurts very deeply. Though I can't be with her, I may probably look out once in a month or two if she's smiling and if not just sit and wonder why she isn't because I won't be able to ask her. Including me, my mom would be a happy person too when she knows the fact that I fell for the cutest face I saw and had the guts to write it out. Hard luck though after so many requests of my mom, I won't be able to show her how the “God's Greatest Art” looks like but yes I'm not that bad at describing people and when it comes to her I would even get her sketch done if I lost my memory in any accident! Oh God, trust me if you would've been in my shoes you wouldn't be able to move on & let go of such a dream girl ever in your lifetime. Ever seen fireworks on a sunny day? You will when you see her!
So weeks passed, I'm a happy person now knowing the fact that we're under the same sky. Being an old school romantic in this hookup culture is a special kind of hell they say but trust me the loyalty and purity an old school romantic person carries with them is priceless. Blessed to be one of them! I know that she won't even notice or get to know that someone somewhere loved her so deeply, immensely & selflessly that he wrote a damn long story. I also know that she won't ever read all of this but if she is reading, I would like to tell her something; I know that I'm no one & I don't have any right to tell you this however trust me you're made to be happy all of the time, you don't have the right to be sad on stupid small things, you can't cry for small bruises as you are born to be a warrior and fight alone without depending on anyone, you can't give up on your dreams as your little shoulders hold the strength of carrying each & every heaviest burden your dreams may give, you are someone's raindrop in this stroking sunshine so you have to make yourself invincible because there is someone out there who exists to see you smile! :)
Note: I'm not a writer at all as you would've already noticed it in the way I wrote things out of sequence and I strongly urge apologies as this is my very first blog I wrote by someone's so much of influence. Signing off, god bless, good bye.
Written by Shreyas. Kulkarni.