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Updated: Apr 6, 2020

He was all surprised when he started counting the slit marks on my hand. 1,2,3..6,7...& 11. We were sitting in my rented apartment, he was having drinks & I was smoking cigarettes, *while the background music played "look what you made me" by Taylor Swift*

I love writing and composing songs, and I am obsessed with Taylor, so her songs always keep playing in my apartment, no matter I am there or not.

He was sitting beside me, holding my hand and was touching and feeling all the scars. By the time he touched one, this one pained a bit, I panged. I realised this one was fresh and so it pained on touching. I offered him my cigarette which he refused. He tried to stop me from smoking but I was high. Joints over joints and I was getting off hands now. I started crying and he hugged me tightly while I was weeping. We weren't dating, he wasn't even my bestfriend. *It's "delicate" playing in the background*

We were sitting on the floor, and he pulled me close to him, we kissed, very gently. He was holding me by my back, and then l felt his hands under my top. Before anything could happen, I pushed him away. I asked him to leave and he said he surely will. I was taking another shot while he came from the back, moved my hairs forward and kissed my neck. This time he didn't do anything further. He stopped. I felt him moving his hands on my neck. He saw my tattoo. It was a name - "JOE". He asked me who he was, and i replied "my ex husband". For a second he stepped back, but then hugged me tighter. I Started crying again. *It's "blank space" playing in the background*

I met him approximately 2 hours ago. We both were sitting in the book house enjoying our respective coffees alone. Coincidentally, reading the same book. We exchanged smiles. Then, he came to my table and we started talking. Surprisingly, we had many things in common. While returning, he said he'll drop me home, and after reaching l asked him for a drink.

And then we were in my apartment, which was more white and black and less colourful. It had less furniture, less food, less cleanliness, less virginity and yea, less people too! He had a few drinks and he was just not shocked by my behaviour and the way l was getting high. Maybe, we both knew the next step. But out of everything, whenever he hugged me tightly while l cried, it felt different, it felt better. It wasn't out of lust, it was something pure and l never resisted it. After all l was out of pure touch and emotions since long.

Later, we were back on the floor, and l started narrating him all the stories from my past and how l became this spoilt. At the same time, l was wondering why he wasn't making any move. But I liked the way he listened to me, carefully every bit. I realised how unheard l was since long. *It's "Enchanted" playing in the background*

It's morning now, l am on my bed with all my clothes on. My head aches like hell and I am alone as always. I see a bottle of lemonade and a note on the side of my bed. It says - "you are an amazing woman and it was nice meeting you. If you ever feel like talking again, here's my number." I was smiling while my eyes were all teary. *The background played "you belong with me" and I smiled as if I knew what was next*

Written by Swati Srivastava

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